it didn't get better

and i still get that racing feeling
like an emotive physical tunnel
and i don't want it
but i have it

i want my concentration back
and i want my fingernails back
and i don't want to cry anymore
and i want to be able to sleep
and not be laughed at for trying to explain what i think
or what i feel
i want to talk at a normal speed
and not stutter over what i say
to understand directions
and not get anxious so easily
and not be left alone
or uninformed


i want too much
i'm so sorry