I'm at Josh's and Joey's concert. I suppose I'm sitting here as if I was content. In truth, I'm troubled. I just want to be able to shut off a part of my life and never look at it again. I feel like bile is rising in my throat and burning the sides, the same feeling I get when I bike that fourth, that fifth mile, when I'm nervously looking at my feet on some strange, unfamiliar floor, in my old black flats that smell like country dirt. I've been reading, falling asleep, smiling at people I don't care about, and drawing with a crimson drawing pencil I found. I need more film.